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I’m going a little insane. Just a little, I hope. As long as I keep myself busy, it isn’t so bad. That’s why I decided to type all of this out.

This problem didn’t surface until I was around fifteen. I developed major depression and suffered from self-harm. I was shoved into counseling and loaded up with antidepressants. Despite this, I was struggling more than ever.

Don’t think I wasn’t trying. I listened to everything my counselor said and took my medication every single day. But still, my depression took a turn for the worse. I was constantly staying home from school, too depressed to get out of bed. When I did go to school, I snuck off into the bathroom to cut.

As my depression and self-harm worsened, I began to develop a twitch. I’m not certain if calling it a twitch is the proper word, but it will do. It started with the feeling that someone was watching me. The feeling was always directly behind me to my right side. I felt compelled to look but I ignored it for a while. I assumed that it was just a side effect of my medication or something.

My depression reached the point where I had attempted to commit suicide on several occasions. I don’t feel the need to describe the methods nor the reasons behind my depression because that isn’t what my story is focusing on. Needless to say, when my parents finally realized that I had tried to kill myself, they sent me to an institution.

After a slew of medical tests, I was taken to a room filled with doctors. I sat across from them in a hard, uncomfortable chair, their eyes all boring into me. A doctor in the middle took control, asking basic questions. What did I believe was the root of my depression? When had I started self-harming? What symptoms was I having?

I began to list my symptoms and mentioned the twitch. I told him that I attributed it to my medication but he quickly said that wasn’t a side effect of any meds he was aware of. He asked me if I had ever been physically bullied because some people who had ended up with an overwhelming feeling of being watched. I had never had the shit kicked out of me thankfully, so that was a no. Surprisingly, the doctor had no explanation and he had left it at that.

While I was institutionalized, I kept to myself as much as I could and did what I was told. All I wanted to do was go home and be miserable in peace. I lucked out and ended up being in a room by myself. I spent quite a lot of my time reading or simply sitting there, thinking.

One night, I sat at the desk, nose deep in my third reading of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. As Harry snuck into the restricted section of the library, I had the twitch. My eyes were pulled by the feeling and anticipation built up in my brain. I fought with myself for what seemed like hours until I finally broke.

I turned, to the relief of my brain and strained eyes, and gasped at what was before me. What stood before me was an appalling sight, but there was an aura of calm over me. There stood a blonde haired girl, maybe a little older than me, with hazel eyes. Our eyes were different colors, but all the same as hers were just as dead and empty as mine.

As my eyes trailed down the apparition, I was met with the part of her that churned my stomach. Down her arms were two deep jagged cuts, maggots writhing inside of the open wounds. The blood that had once coursed through her thin veins was dried around the wounds and down her hands, wrapping its dead tentacles around her fingers.

The spell her wounds had on me broke and I met her eyes as they filled with tears. I set my book down, managing to stand up and stepped closer to her. Her mouth opened and I waited with anticipation to hear what she had to say.

Before the vision could utter so much as a guttural moan, the door to my room opened. It was a nurse who, as these things go, didn’t notice the apparition. She simply held up the white cup with my evening pills inside and smiled softly. I dry swallowed the three pills, opening my mouth afterwards to show that I had taken them.

Content with this, the nurse informed me that it was lights out and left. Even in the dark, I could still see the apparition who again opened her cracked lips to speak. Despite the calm aura the spirit had brought with her, I felt my heart slamming against my chest.

“It burns down here. Oh god it burns,” her voice sounded as if her throat was deteriorating into dust. Each word seemed to cause her pain.

“Here? Where are you?” I knew that she must have been referring to hell, but as an atheist, that was illogical to me. Of course, this entire situation was illogical.

“I’m deep in the pits of hell. But the world drove me to it. Shouldn’t the world be punished for making lives miserable and not the ones who suffer at its hands?” The spirit was sorrowful to the point that I was beginning to cry with her.

“I wish the world worked that way, but it will always hurt the broken.” I was sure to keep my voice to a whisper since the nurses would be pissed that I wasn’t at least in bed yet. I was frozen where I was standing, looking into her blue orbs of desolation.

I stood there in the silence, as she only wept. I had no clue what I was supposed to do or say. I hadn’t believed in hell or the paranormal until the moment she had appeared to me; I have always said seeing is believing. I could hardly wrap my mind around any of this, let alone have a game plan.

Out of nowhere my vision went black for a few seconds. When my sight returned, I was in the same room but there was something different about it. I noticed that the walls were whiter, looking as if it had been painted only a few months ago. The furniture was newer and lacked the graffiti and carvings that I had run my fingers across just hours ago.

As my eyes continued to survey the room, I began to hear the weeping of the apparition. I turned to look at her for she had moved from her original spot a few feet in front of me. I took in the vision of her, which was no longer the ghost I had met. This was her solid, true body before her death had come.

“Hey, are you – are you okay?” I took a hesitant step forward, unsure of how she would react. There was no sign that she had heard me. She continued to let out a terrible cry of misery. I watched as she stood up in a frenzy, searching through the room for something.

Suddenly she barreled towards me like an animal whose territory had been violated. I had no time to move out of the way, leaving me to brace for an impact. I expected to be laid out completely but she only went right through me. Confusion washed over me as I looked on to see her interacting with solid objects, which movies and television had told me ghosts couldn’t do – at least not with a solid form.

She ran over to the desk, her hand flying underneath it as it blindly searched for whatever she was looking for. A smile slowly appeared on her face as her hand was withdrawn, blood dripping from a few of her fingers. In that crimson hand she held a small silver object that I recognized as a razor blade.

I knew what she was planning and screamed at her to stop. But my cries fell on deaf ears as she dug into her wrists. The blood followed where the blade had once been and soon it was running down her fingertips and onto the floor. Tears found their way out of my eyes and down my face. I could not believe what I had been witness too. Sure, I had seen thousands of horror films. But that was nothing compared to looking on as someone killed themselves. Someone so real, living and breathing only seconds ago.

Suddenly my vision went black again and I was standing in my room as I had been earlier. It was then that she spoke to me again; “I know that you’re hurting. But you don’t want to burn do you?”

“Why did you show that to me?” My voice was full of anger as a I seethed at her. None of this made any sense.

“To show you that I was just like you before I died. I could feel your desperation to die. But you’ll burn just like me. Live as I was not strong enough to do.” With those last words, she disappeared.

I would love to say that was the last experience that I had with the twitch, but that is far from the truth. This ghost, who I discovered was named Samantha, was the only good spirit I have ever encountered. I have met many entities, but I will only divulge those who have had a severe impact on my life or those who were particularly nasty. Samantha had saved my life. But most days, I wish that she hadn’t.
The Twitch Part One
So this is way different than what I normally post, but I've been wanting to give this genre a try. Enjoy. 
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When you arrived at the house, Steve wasn’t there but you were too exhausted from crying for hours to investigate. You pulled your phone out of your pocket, checking for messages. Of course there were none so you threw it on the bed and drew a hot bath in hopes that your worries would melt away.

The bubbles rolled over your body as the music you were listening to filled your ears. You lost yourself in your thoughts. Much to your surprise you had relaxed to the point where you ended up falling asleep. By the time you awoke, the water had run cold and your fingers had pruned. What had disturbed your light slumber was the sound of someone stirring in the next room.

You drained the water and quickly changed into a nearby nightgown, wrapping a towel around your hair as you headed to the bedroom. Steve was taking items out of his pockets, setting them on the dresser. He swayed to and fro as he attempted to take off his shoes.

“Steve, honey, sit down.” You held his hand and helped him sit on the edge of the bed. You untied and took off his shoes, placing them near the rest of them.

“I love you.” He slurred looking up at you, his eyes glistening from the alcohol he had been drinking for the past few hours. His hand reached for yours although you were attempting to move the blankets out of the way so he could go to sleep.

“I love you too. But you need to get to bed, okay? You haven’t been drunk in years so you’ll have a killer hangover in the morning.” You helped him under the covers, smiling softly as he looked up at you with glassy eyes and a slightly redden face.
Steve grabbed your hand and pulled you down to the bed, wishing to be near you. “I know that you don’t. Not anymore. You love somebody else and I know it.” He dropped your hand and stared at the ceiling.

You sighed and stroked his hair. “That’s not true. I love you, Steve. Yes, I went out with someone else, but I don’t love you any less.” You pulled the covers over his body and kissed his cheek.

“I’m such an awful husband. It’s all my fault. If I treated you better, this wouldn’t have happened. I’m so sorry.” His voice became thick with the tears he was trying to hold back. He wiped the small tears away and sighed.

“I just never thought I would turn into this. I wanted to be the perfect husband but that all went to shit, (F/N). I fucking ruined our marriage because I spent so much time worrying about the rest of the world when I forgot about the most important person in my life.” He stroked your hand with his fingers and kissed your hand.

“Can you ever forgive me? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I want to have some hope that I can make this okay.” You looked at him and smiled softly, tears flowing down your face.

“Steve, if we work on our marriage and you actually give effort, of course I can forgive you. You’re the love of my life and I want to work this out. That’s all that I have wanted to do for the past few years.” You ran your hands through his hair when he laid on your lap.

The two of you fell asleep like that, much to your neck’s despair. You awoke early in the morning pain shooting up your body as you sat up. Steve was still lying on your lap, but he had been awake for a while.

“Good morning.” You stroked Steve’s hair, hoping not to disturb him. You smiled sweetly when he ran his hand across your leg as he wished you good morning.

“I’m sorry that I got drunk last night. I didn’t know what else to do and –“

“Steve, stop. You don’t need to apologize. It’s alright, love. Most men in your position would do the same. Do you remember anything you said last night?” You looked up at him as he crawled out of bed, his button up shirt was disheveled and his pants had shifted a bit to the side.

“Yeah and I meant what I said. We need to work on this. And I want you to cut off all contact with that guy.” Steve unbuttoned his shirt and threw it across the room and into the laundry basket.

You climbed out of bed and stretched out your limbs which were stiff from sleep. Your neck cried out in pain due to the awkward angle in which you had slept. “Consider it done.” You wrapped your arms around his waist and buried you face in his chest.

“Good. I love you.” He kissed the top of your head and held you closely. You smiled, happy that you were going to fix the love that you had.
CaptainAmericaxReaderxAmerica 6b Cap ending
Finally finished. I hope you all enjoyed! :D
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When you returned home, Steve wasn’t there, much to your surprise. You weren’t sure where he had gone but you weren’t in the mood to investigate. You finally checked your phone to see if anyone had sent you a text and there was one from Alfred. Your hands were shaking and your heart felt as if it would explode within your chest.

‘Can you come outside, sweetheart?’ was all that it said. You scrunched up your eyebrows and looked out of your window, to see Alfred standing outside. His blonde hair was moving with the night breeze. You smiled softly and walked out the front door.

He wrapped his arms around you and rubbed your back as he pulled you closer. Alfred moved his hands up and ran his fingers through your hair and began to stroke your locks softly. You breathed softly into his chest, a smile forming on your face.

Alfred unlocked his fingers from your hair and brought your face up to his and kissed you softly. His tongue rolled into your mouth as the two of you embraced. You returned the gesture and couldn’t stop yourself from breathing heavily. Much to your disappointment, he pulled away from you that goofy grin of his appearing on his face.

“I thought about it and I want to be with you, (F/N). Even if I means that I have to get my ass handed to me by Captain America. I’ve seen you for a long time in your shop and I have always imagined being with you. Now that I have you. I’m not going to give you up now that I have you.” He didn’t look from your eyes as he spoke to softly to you.

“I’m scared, Alfred. I want to be with you but Steve isn’t going to let me divorce him. He doesn’t believe in divorce and he already knows what is going on.” You sighed as you stepped back from Alfred, rain sprinkling down on the two of you. After stepping back, you saw Steve approaching, soaked from the downpour that had started.

Your heart had dropped to your stomach, worry clouding your mind as you watched Steve walk up to Alfred. You couldn’t possibly imagine what was going to happen. Sure you had seen Steve angry, but never heartbroken.

“Look, kid, I don’t understand why you would think it’s okay to do what you’re doing with my wife. But I’ve haven’t seen her this happy in years. I thought that I was being a great husband although I can see that couldn’t be further from the truth.” Steve was trying his hardest not to haul out and punch Alfred in the face. He needed to keep his composure no matter how hard it was.

Steve sighed and turned to you, his blue eyes misty as they met yours. “And (F/N), if this is what you really want, I shouldn’t be standing in the way of what makes you happy. I just wish that what was going to make you happy was me.”
You wiped the tears from your eyes but they continued to form. You gave Steve a tight hug, tears streaming down your cheeks and onto his shirt.

The divorce was a rather short process as you were fine with Steve keeping the house and you didn’t have any children to have a custody case over. Steve let you know that he was still there for you no matter what and that he would always love you. Despite how hard it was to leave behind that piece of your life, it was the best decision that the circumstances had left you with.
It wasn’t long before you were living with Alfred and were pregnant with a child. You were married shortly after your child was born. Although Steve still loved you, he was happy just to see that you were.
Your bout of self-loathing was interrupted by the twinkling of the bell above the door of your shop. You couldn’t care less about some patron who needed a book right now. For once you were going to pity yourself and that was overdue.

“We’re closed!” You shouted, your voice gruff from the tears. You wiped your swollen eyes and looked up at whoever had disturbed you.

“I know, (F/N).” There was a voice that you could recognize anywhere, even in the middle of a shouting crowd. The voice of your husband that had the ability to be both stern and sweet at the same time.

You figured that he had returned home early and was wondering where you had gone off to. It was just your luck that he would show up as you were in the midst of crying your eyes out. What kind of excuse were you going to give him? There was nothing –at least in his eyes- that you could possibly be upset about.

Steve sat next to you and sighed, not from content or boredom but from being upset. “Tony called me when I was on my way over here. He asked me why I had given him the cold shoulder earlier.” He turned to look at you, his eyes meeting yours, a sadness within them.

You brought your legs down from the couch and turned your body towards him. You knew what he was going to say, but pretended as if you didn’t.

“I was confused since at the meeting, I had been civil. But he continued and said he had seen me outside of the shop with you. The thing is I wasn’t with you. So, who was that?” He was very tensed up, his shoulders looking as if they would break at any second.

You sighed softly and ran a hand through your hair, not sure what you should say to him. If you told him the truth, it would crush him. But if you lied, this would continue and get worse.

“(F/N), just tell me. I deserve to know what’s going on. I’m your husband.” Steve was searching your eyes for some hint of an answer, hoping, no praying that you would finally speak up.

“First, let me start by saying how much I absolutely love you. You’re my world, Steve Rodgers. But our marriage hasn’t been that great for the past few years. You and I both know that.” You started to tear up, not wanting to continue, but knowing it was the best thing for your marriage.

Steve’s face fell, not sure where you were headed. His hand searched for yours and he held onto it, stroking your hand was his thumb. “I kept thinking that things would get better. But even after I had many conversations with you, it still didn’t change. I never wanted to hurt you, I was just trying to make myself feel better and that was absolutely selfish of me to do.” You winced a bit when he squeezed your hand, not realizing how hard he was doing it.

“Steve, I know what I did was wrong. But I refuse to continue to live with a marriage like this. We both deserve better than this.” Your eyes fell to the floor as Steve’s hand dropped yours.

“I love you. You’re the love of my life, (F/N). Although I don’t know if I can look passed this. I know I have my own part to play in this but I need some time to think, okay?” He ran a hand through your hair and stroked your face softly before he walked out of the shop.
CaptainAmericaxReaderxAmerica 5
Chapter 1: ashfd3.deviantart.com/art/Capt…
Chapter 2: ashfd3.deviantart.com/art/Capt…
Chapter 3: ashfd3.deviantart.com/art/Capt…
Chapter 4: ashfd3.deviantart.com/art/Capt…
Chapter 5: You're here!
Cap ending: Coming soon~
America ending: Coming soon~
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Much to your dismay, you knew that it was time to return home. Even if Steve was off saving the world, he still expected to come home to a meal every night. Steve was a man with many expectations but always failed to live up to any of the those you had for him.

You looked up at Alfred whose arm was wrapped around you as the two of you sat on the love seat you had placed in the reading area of your shop. He was rubbing your back absentmindedly with his eyes closed. He looked so happy and content which left you with a warm feeling within the pit of your stomach.

He sensed your eyes on him and smiled, opening his eyes from behind his glasses. Alfred’s orbs met yours and you felt your heart beat faster, the first time in years a simple glance had done that to you.

“I’d love to sit here all night and I know you would if I asked. But I really need to get home. I have to make dinner and I know Steve will be concerned if I’m not home before he is.” You sighed, the sentences coming out of your mouth like word vomit.

“I understand. But I have to ask; am I going to see you again?” There was a clear tone of worry as he asked you this. His eyes broke contact with yours, bracing for rejection.

You considered this for a bit. On one hand, you knew how wrong it would be to continue cheating on your husband. But on the other hand, this was the first time you had been able to genuinely smile in years and you really didn’t want to lose that.

His lips began to part, a sigh threatening to escape his mouth. “Yes. Yes, you can. But you have to promise me that you won’t go talking about this to anyone. Captain America’s wife cheating on him? That would make so many headlines. Not to mention destroy Steve.”

Alfred immediately got up and stood in front of you, a look of confusion on his face. “Wait, you’re married to thee Steve Rodgers? You’re married to Captain America and you didn’t think to mention that?” He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“That man is pretty much my hero. I don’t think I can do this. I mean I’ve always wanted to be like him, but I didn’t ever think I would take his wife!” His hands found their way through his hair as he took a deep breath.

“Alfred, he treats me awfully. I get that he is your hero, but that doesn’t mean that he is without flaws. He’s not going to find out anyway. He’s too busy even to pay attention to me, let alone know what am doing.”

“(F/N), I get that. But I really just need to think about this, okay? I’ll see you later.” He gave you a faint smile before heading out the door, the bell on your door chiming a fair well.

You slid down to your sitting previous sitting position and buried your face in your hands, letting out a soft sob. You couldn’t be left alone again. You just could not do it. Getting a taste of happiness and love was setting you up for a huge letdown.
CaptainAmericaxReaderxAmerica 4
Chapter 1: ashfd3.deviantart.com/art/Capt…
Chapter 2: ashfd3.deviantart.com/art/Capt…
Chapter 3: ashfd3.deviantart.com/art/Capt…
Chapter 4: You're here!
Chapter 5: ashfd3.deviantart.com/art/Capt…
Cap ending: Coming soon~
America ending: Coming soon~
Loading...

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AshFD3
Just call me Rubi
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
"You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."- Albus Dumbledore

"Despite everything, I still believe everyone is truly good at heart." - Anne Frank

“Love isn't something you feel, it's something you do. If the
person you're with doesn't want it, do yourself a favor and save it for someone who does.” – Nate Fischer

"Beware the risk of cheating the plan, disrespecting the design... could initiate a horrifying fury that would terrorize even the Grim Reaper - and you don't even want to fuck with that MacDaddy."-Mr.Bludwor​th

"Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass, they see face to face; and their converse is free, as well as pure. This is the comfort of friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present, because immortal." William Penn, More Fruits of Solitude
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:iconnexubis:
Nexubis Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy b-day! :D
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AshFD3 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
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:iconnexubis:
Nexubis Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem, did you have a fun day? :)
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AshFD3 Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Yes I did. :D
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scrougeofares Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2016
Happy birthday!
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AshFD3 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
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pinkythepink Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2016  Professional Artisan Crafter
:love: Thank you for the favorites, it really means ever so much to me that you enjoy my artwork! I invite you to add me to your watch so that you can see all the future beaded and stitched pieces I have planned! :blowkiss: Just think of the sparkles... :squee:
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XxFandomFanaticxX Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2016  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks for the favorite!
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Nexubis Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the favorite! I love your WTNV cosplay :) Maybe you could write a WTNV fanfic? 
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:iconashfd3:
AshFD3 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! Awe thank you very much! I will definitely give it a try. :D
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